


Dancing Lessons

by FlorenciaMD



Category: Barry (TV 2018)
Genre: Cheating, Death, F/M, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Cheating, anti war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-18 05:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21506122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlorenciaMD/pseuds/FlorenciaMD
Summary: Barry is finally cast in a feature, the problem? He said he could dance and now he can either disappoint Sally or found a way to learn some steps.
Relationships: Barry Berkman & Monroe Fuches, Barry Berkman/Reader, Barry Berkman/Sally Reed
Kudos: 15





	1. New student

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Friends yesterday and I came across the one where Joey speaks french, and then I was thinking about how in season 2 Barry already has his Headshots, and I wanted to write something about a false ability he could have put on his resume.
> 
> So this is an 8 part series, playing with the idea of how subjective some social issues can get, as "Barry" does with murder we are also doing it with the nature of infidelity.

A sharpie written ad in the door said: “Joe’s friend callbacks” that could give him an idea of how unimportant this character was, because so far he didn’t even had a name, nevertheless he was happy that they had call him back for a reason other than “You look good on the poster”

Although he was suspicious the “minor” changes Natalie and Sally had convinced him to do to his resume was the reason, he could not blame them, at first the page was empty and depressing, and now he appear to be a very compelling person, maybe someone he would like to be. Someone who could speak french and Italian, and had formal training in at least three styles of dancing, tango, salsa and tap.

Worst case scenario, they had said, there is someone better than you, and is just another bad audition. And so far it hasn’t been a problem, people usually overlook those details because they didn’t need that on their commercials or minor roles in crime shows.

But now it was different, there was at least three men in front of him and four behind all of them were more or less his height and complexion, waiting to re read the lines for the upcoming movie, 'A place to dare dreaming'. As far as he understood it was a drama about a men seeking meaning in life, and Barry was trying to be the best friend’s best friend, he would have five scenes in the whole movie and was merely an excuse to make exposition questions and be gone for the rest of the movie.

Not a bad place to start, Sally said, and he might actually make connections and even find an agent. So he was there for some reason dressed with black loose pants and a loose blue shirt, just like the rest of them. Finally after another half hour or so the casting assistant exited the door and call for him.

“Hi, I’m Barry Block, reading for Joe’s friend” He said looking at the people behind the table and he notice another woman there dressed as a ballerina, he was not entirely sure why.

“Fine, in this scene you are just finishing dancing with your partner, then Joe...” The director point at a man who was already cast as the lead best friend “Yeah, Joe will call you to ask you something and then the scene starts”

Barry did as he was told, and when he was in the middle of telling Joe to go help the lead build the boat of his dreams or something like that, the director interrupted him.

“Just one sec, Barry was it?” He said and Barry was already feeling the whole 'You are not what we are looking for' speech coming. “It says here that you dance?”

“Um hum” He muttered every second more disconcerted.

“Tango? Janice you do tango right?” He asked the ballerina.

“No Andre, I only have a career in dance but I don’t do tango” She said rolling her eyes “Of course I do” she and when the director look at her in exasperation.

“Then is settled, unless any of the other guys can dance we will go with Mr. Block here”

“Excuse me what?” Barry said a little lightheaded.

“Oh this scene, we originally wanted to have a big ballet dancing sequence that inspire Daniel, the lead to follow his dreams, but we scratched off because of the budget but since you can dance you and Janice can do a small version of it.” Talk with Sophie on the way out we start on monday.

“Sure, thanks” he said with a calm voice and walked out to find the cast assistant.

“Mr. Block?” She said now a little more nice than when he entered in the morning. “You’ll have to sing some documents and we will be ready”

“Sure, yeah fine, one question tho, what exactly does he mean Andre with me dancing with Janice?” He asked trying to sound casual

“Oh well since they are just adding the sequence I will say that they will tell you exactly what they want in a couple weeks and then you will have to rehearse with Janice and film it by the end of the next month” She said like it was no big deal.

“Two weeks?” He asked again and she could see that he was nervous.

“More or less, but I figure since you are an actual dancer that would be fine right?” He nod not very sure of her statement and she start looking in her purse and finally give him a card. “Look I won’t tell you how to do your job, but if by any chance you are not convinced of what to do, you should go here, she may help you”

***

He shut the door of the apartment with enough strength to make one of the frames in the wall shake, of course he was furious. But it wasn’t your fault and you wouldn’t put up with his temperament. After 5 years of marriage Alan was finally beginning to understand that it was better to walk away and let things cool down before any of you could say something too painful.

And what could you say? You told him before you get married that you didn’t want children and he married you anyway. He was not able to change your mind, that was no reason to scream and fight like that. You shake the thoughts from your head and pick up you bag, ready to walk down to the studio.

Your friend Sophie had made you a call earlier asking for your help with another lost case, and usually those pay well so you could surprise Alan with a nice dinner and maybe you would let him convince you to open up at the idea, at least for long enough to live peacefully.

You could tell who your new student was the minute you entered the studio, your assistant was talking with the other couples for the romantic dance lessons and he was in a corner looking at the door like he was planning an escape.

You take the attending list and seek for his name, Barry Block, you hope is not a sing of how hard will it be to make him move, but his large frame was telling you it will.

“Mr. Block?” You called him apart once you were dress in more comfortable clothes, he walked towards you and you could see he was at least 1 feet taller than you. “You work with Sophie right?”

“I do, I … she said you could help me amm…”

“To make your dancing believable, yes, don’t worry you are not the first nor the last actor that lies on an audition, but for future reference put something more achievable like learn Russian” You said part serious part kidding “Learning tango is complicated and demanding, is not just sexy dresses and fancy music, but since this is the land of dreams I can teach you a couple things”

“That would be great, and again I’m so embarrassed that this happened, but I need the job”

“Well that’s another sad part of the story this class ain’t cheap, and there’s only so little I can do for you in three weeks”

“That’s not a problem” He said immediately and took a little envelope from his pocket and gave it to you “This is for the first two lessons”

“Excellent, then we can start” You look at his clothes, jeans and a hoodie and very uncomfortable sneakers “You may need to change, and also stretch a little, we don’t want accidents” you pointed to the dressing room and let him borrow a more lose pant and proper dancing shoes.

You finish your lesson with the other couples and after and hour he, you and Macy, your assistant, were the only ones there.

“Ok for starters, that’s not stretching” you told him once you saw he couldn’t reach his toes. “Come sit here” You told him and sit in the middle of the floor with your legs completely extended and asked him to do the same.

“I’m not very use to this, I’m in shape as much as I can but this is different” He said awkwardly trying to reach his toes the way you did yours.

“If you don’t mind me asking Mr. Block, why do you need the job?” You said standing up and helping him bend his back. “I don’t think they will pay you more than I’m taking from you”

“Is not about the money” he said simply and took the hand you offered him to stand. “I need to prove myself I can be an actor, a real one, also my girlfriend is recording a show and I…” he star touching his hair distracted.

“You don’t want to be left behind? Yeah I know what is like” You said to him. “Well in that case I would do my best, but for real you have to stop being so rigid” you said taking him by the hips and he flinch with surprise to then let go a chuckle

“I’m sorry” He said and you nodded and put your hands on his hips again “First we are going to have to work on that posture, lower just a bit your hips and bend your knees” You said pushing him down a bit.

“Like this” he said flexing down so much that he was almost at your height.

“Not at all, I’ll show you, Macy come here” You call the girl who was already hiding her laugh behind a magazine, she put on some music on his phone into the speakers and walked towards you.

You took her by the waist and started just making simple walks at the rhythm of the music, showing him how he had to bend his knees but not making it all that evident, then when the next song star going faster you started making more quick moves and shen it turn slow you drag your leg inside slowly, and embraced Macy pulling her closer to you.

“Ok, I can definently not do that” he said once you were done, and you felt flattered to se some amusement in his face.

“I know, but we will figure something out” you smile at him and turn off the music to again trying to make him bend his knees properly.


	2. Daydreams and baby steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry's difficult challenge becomes a little easy with an unexpected technique but the ghosts on his past keep chasing him and making everything hard.

One week after the first time Barry meet Y/N he was nowhere near learning tango, let alone dancing on the level his stupid resume said he could, he only have ended with horrible pain on his knees, thighs and back. And he hasn’t even practice dancing with music yet, apparently his instructor thought he first had to learn one basic step and repeat it a million times before he could start doing the “flashy and presumptuous” step, as she called them, that the director may want.

“You really don’t have to worry” Sally said during breakfast, they have an agreement to spend the night at least twice a week in each other apartment but he could tell she rather if he stayed at hers since Jermaine and Nick didn’t get along with her. “That girl you say is dancing with you, I just heard from Lindsay that she is totally sleeping with the director so probably the scene is an excuse to show her dancing talent and they will be focusing on her instead of you” She drank the rest of her orange juice and stood up quickly “God is so late” she checked her phone and gave him a kiss on the cheek before taking her purse and keys and rush to the door “I’ll see you tonight ok? Good luck!”

“Bye, I love…” And then she was gone. “You” He finished his breakfast and took his own car to the studio where he had to finish filming his scenes.

“Barry you’re here, excellent!” Andre said when he arrived, thankfully he was not the star of the film and he didn’t have to listen the hundred of notes he had for the leads nor taking all the shit the PAs get from him. “Look” He said pointing at his tablet “Janice is on New York for three more weeks for a Ballet presentation, but she sent this to me, is the perfect choreography for the scene. What do you think?” He showed her a clip of Janice and some professional dancer with a song he didn’t knew, probably in Spanish or Italian, dancing incredibly close, with several lifts and spins.

“Great” He said feeling dizzy “Flashy and presumptuous” He add really low.

“What was that?”

“Classy and marvelous, is a modern take on the Argentine style isn’t?” He said repeating what Y/N had said to him the day before.

“I have no idea, but hey you are the expert” He gave him a pat on the back. “You can start rehearsing with Janice when she gets back” He didn’t like that kind of touching, it reminded him of Fuches and make him feel uneasy.

“Sure, great, hey could you send me that video, you know to study her movements” he tried to sound casual and not frightened as he was.

“Yeah sure” he said and with a hand gesture urged him to move to the set where he got to start shooting.

The minute he was over he drove back to Y/N’s studio and saw her giving her class to young girls all dressed as ballerinas, she was wearing a black seetrough dancing skirt over a leotard, and his eyes lingered on her legs a few seconds more than he should mesmerized as he was by the elegance she used to dance.

“Barry you are early” She saluted him with a smile, “Girls say hi to Mr. Block” she said at the mass of pink and white.

“Hi Mr. Block” They cheered.

“I’ll be done in a few minutes but this really is a private rehearsal” She pat her lips with one finger thinking “Would you mind waiting upstairs? I mean I would hate for you to drive back home to come back in less than an hour, and the coffee place on this block sucks” She said and the girls start laughing “Don’t tell your mothers” She quickly add.

“I don’t want to be a burden”

“Oh nonsense, you are not, go upstairs, I have food on the fridge but I wouldn’t recommend it since you are dancing later and the WiFi password is written next to the phone” She insisted and he finally accept.

The apartment was just a little bigger than the one he rented with Jermaine and had a nice walls on a blue shade that reminded him of the ocean. And a big window facing directly to the door, so the first thing you see when you entered were the rooftop of other buildings and the hills in the back.

He entered feeling himself as an intruder, but being honest that was a common feeling for him, even if he haven’t break in any place in over a year, a very long year, and again the pain of thinking of Fuches maybe lurking around strike him in the chest.

He found a place to sit and after being 5 minutes in complete silence trying to not be alone with his thoughts he took out his laptop to watch the dance again. Next to the landline was a nice picture of Y/N on his wedding dress next to a man that must be her husband with golden letters and numbers written over: JPTLV150813.

Once he was connected he allow himself to look around, the living room was tastefully decorated and there were some framed paintings of wild flowers on the wall in purples and pinks. He glance at their dinner table in the other room next to her kitchen, and while he was still holding he picture his mind start wandering, maybe Sally would like to live with him in a place like that. Full of light and peaceful.

He picture himself waking every morning and walking towards the kitchen to make her breakfast, she getting out of the set exhausted, to get a glass of wine in the living room. Reading lines together in the couch, and falling asleep there watching a movie.

And then since he hadn’t sleep wery well and Y/N couch was madly comfortable he fall asleep still holding the picture and suddenly Sally’s face start fading away, and Y/N replaced her, in a blue version of the clothes she was wearing earlier, he saw himself dancing with her on the living room, a slow and romantic rhythm, and instead of her husband it was him smiling on the picture next to the phone. She would come upstairs tired from work and he would stop her at the door to give her a passionate kiss… then the sound of a gun going off came from the window and a blood stain start forming in her chest running and she collapsing on his arms, and then it was Sally lifeless body again who he was holding and she whispered before losing her breath _You did this_ and fearful he looked at his own hand holding the gun…

“Barry?” Y/N’s voice came from the door, and immediately woke up and shake those horrifying ideas from his mind.

“Here” He call from the couch and was careful enough to not look back and don’t picture her covered in blood

“I’m so done, boy I’m glad you came upstairs, Amanda’s mother is a pain in the ass, if she have seen you she would have called the cops or something” She said and sit in next of him, she was already wearing the heels she used to practice with him. “What you got there?” She said looking at the screen where the video of Janice was still on.

“Is the dance I’m supposed to do for the movie” He said glad to have something to said and he showed her the clip.

“Well… you are screwed” She said after it was finish and he gave her an imploring look. “I’m kidding, I mean is a monstrosity of showing off, and her technique is not perfect, but I’m pretty sure you can put together something, like Ed Sheeran on Thinking out loud”. She said confidently.

“Who?” He asked with no idea of what she meant.

“He is a British singer, we are probably too old to know him, but couples come all the time trying to learn his routine for their wedding” She said, but his face was still puzzled “You are not very familiar with pop culture, for an actor living in L.A. I mean” She stood up and walked towards her kitchen “Do you want anything? I have wine, beer, orange juice?” She called from the other room.

“Beer is fine, and is because I only became an actor recently” He said with some embarrassment in his voice taking the bottleshe offered him “I used to amm… sell auto parts in Cleveland”

“Ohio, that’s … far” she said taking a sip of her drink.

“And before that I was a Marine” He add and she almost spit her beer but did her best to pass it down.

“Oh wow, that’s unusual. I would definitely say thank you for your service, but I’m antiwar so what if I gave you a 10 percent off on the lessons and we call it even?” She grin at him

“Don’t worry about that, I don’t like to make a big deal about it anyway” He said sincerely “Also I’m pretty sure you are wasting your time with me”

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself, here look” She took the laptop off his hands and found a video of a ginger man singing a cheezy song about eternal love “See he is not properly dancing, but he act like he is, so first you have to learn how to lead, come on take off your shoes”

“Take them off? Why?” He asked while she got rid off her heels and let her bare feet touch the wooden floor.

“Because, and I mean this with respect” She said standing and looking for a record to put in her old record player until she found one “You are huge, and I’m afraid you would step on me with those shoes” a slow rhythm start playing and he did what she asked and stood barefoot in front of her.

“That doesn’t sound like the other songs” Although he like it.

“Because you have to learn to walk before you can run, now, put both of your hands on my hips” She said getting closer to him.

“Like this?” It was funny how without the heels she was way shorter and couldn’t completely reach her neck so she settled for put both hands on his shoulders.

“Fine now listen to the music and move” She said moving her body rhythmically “There you go, now move me, lead, right or left, is your choice” She said letting him take small steps and occasionally looking down to watch his feet.

“This is not that bad actually” Barry was actually enjoying himself, then the music start going faster and she took his right hand on hers and pull away from him and he chose to ignore the feeling of lost that caused him.

“Now, the hand on my back has to be steady, and lead, we can spin” She said and taught him how “Or we can walk” She started walking back slowly letting him follow the steps at his own pace. “Is all about who is leading” She gave him a smile and they kept dancing until the music was ending and since he had confidence now he make her spin and catch her on his arm like Janice’s partner did on the clip.

“Sorry I always wanted to try that” he said once she was standing next to him.

“It was great, you are getting it, now we can try to improve your actual steps, but we should go downstairs, my husband is about to comeback and he hates having music on when he is working” She put on her shoes again and walked out followed by Barry.


	3. Bloody memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A unfortunate turn of events make Barry face his darkest hour.

The cheerful notes of the Pas de deux of Swan Lake’s third act started to play and you were all alone in the studio, the girls had been practicing to that and it was still in the record player, you were liying on the floor, and your pointe shoes were next to you.

Barry have left about fifteen minutes before leaving your head troubled with his words. After on long hour of practice he was finally getting somewhere with the slower rhythms of tango, but there was a long way ahead of him to learn his routine.

Tired he sitted on the wooden floor looking at himself in the mirror, and you went to sit next to him.

“Well that’s an improvement” You told him and he gave you a nod, and a smile while he tried to catch his breath “You should be proud, is more than I expected”

“It’s all you, you are an excellent teacher” He said sincerely “I just hope all this work is worthy”

“Worthy or not I still get paid” you wink at him and stood up giving him a hand to do the same.

“Of course, I meant…” He took your hand, and stood next to you “I accidentally listen to Janice and Andre fighting on the phone, and it sounded like they were removing the scene, I mean I had the other scenes but I don’t want to know I have spend the last 5 days rubbing Voltatrol on my calf and knees for nothing”

“Well I wouldn’t say for nothing, you have learned a new skill and I’m sure you may take your girlfriend out to dance and she would appreciate it”

“Yeah, once she is not busy” he sounded hurt, but you didn’t feel it was your place to ask, and didn’t needed because he kept talking “I mean I know that she is working on something she loves, and I’m proud of her and I love her but…”

“You wish she had more time for you?” You asked, interested since this was the first real personal conversation you had with him.

“Yeah, you know. More like you” He said and you gave him a very confused look “Well you and your husband, I wish we were like that” he added nervously.

“Like what?” _Sick of each other to stubborn to quit_ your mind said but your face continued smiling.

“Well you work in something you love, and you are really good at it, and I always have the feeling that I’m not enough for Sally, is not like she says it, is just that she always have something more important, and I fear one day she will found someone more important than me” You nodded with your lips extremely closed trying not to be mad at him since you actually didn’t know him. “Also you work at home that’s good too” the innocence on wich he said it made you furious for some reason.

“You had no idea what you are talking about” you told him, again trying to not sound too harsh and not succeeding “Lesson is over you can leave”

“What? No, I meant it as a compliment, you have the best job…”

“Shut it!” You scream and he looked shock at you “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell, but that’s just stupid you know? I don’t mean to offend you, but you are at a studio 6 to 7 hours every morning surround by beautiful actresses, and here two hours every day with a woman basically rubbing on you, think about that for a second” You told him but he didn’t say anything “If she didn’t have her show, and she had to sit at home waiting for you, I bet you would not consider you are letting her down”

“Well no, because…” He started but you make it shut down with a movement of your hand.

“Because you are the big guy, the man, the one allowed to have dreams and follow them even if you have to put other people’s needs apart. Maybe think about that and then you can talk” You notice your chest going up and down quickly and you were thankful you were still on the heels because on your normal level you would have look ridiculous screaming at someone that tall.

“That’s what people call toxic masculinity isn’t it?” He asked, surprisingly calm

“Get out” You said pointing at the door and turning your back at him

“Yeah, I thought so” He said and pick up his stuff without going to change back to his regular clothes “Same hour tomorrow?” He asked by the door

“Of course” You said and with that he was gone.

As the third act was coming to his end and you could clearly picture in your mind Odile and Rothbart entering the palace, you stood up and put on the shoes, Barry was wrong of course, in expecting a servant woman as a partner, but that was not what hurt you, you made a bow to an invisible Siegfried and make a couple movements to get loose, Mr. Block dare to say that you were happy? Well at least your deception was working and you look like you were, and like you love that job, Odil’s coda started and you start making fouettés, one and you could feel your leg shaking but you continued, even when you were moving from your place and in no way at the speed that you wanted, two, three… by the sixth you were sure you could get to twenty, but then at the ninth that old damaged ankle gave in and the stinging pain made you tremble and fall to the ground, but it was okay because once the sharp edge of a chair broke into your skin and everything went black you were no longer thinking about it.

***

About ten minutes after he left the studio, Barry’s brain struggled to understand why does Y/N had taken what he said so personally, was then when he realized he was hungry and turn his car to go to the nearest In-N-Out, he searched for his wallet and couldn’t find it, _Fuck_ he thought knowing it must be still at the studio with probably his hoodie since he didn’t have it either, he made another turn hoping to still find the woman there. The music he could hear when he approached and the lights coming from inside suggest him she was still there.

“Y/N I know you are mad, but I leave my wallet here…” He said opening the door and froze in his place “Jesus, Y/N are you okay??” The women’s body was in the floor, with her head over a small pool of her own blood, and next to her one of the chairs covered with her blood too making evident what have happened.

The cut on her head was small, and when he checked on her she still had pulse but was unconscious, and not responding so he carried in his arms back to his car and drove to the closest ER he could find.

“Help please!” He screamed with her in his arms and her blood covering his hands. “She was dancing and fall, she hit her head with a chair” He said to the two nurses that come at his encounter “She is not waking up…” He was agitated and he wanted to scream for them to move faster.

“Hey, hey sir calm down, come on deep breaths” a doctor said once she was in a stretcher and after checking her pupils to be okay, “what’s your name sir?” She asked putting a hand on his shoulder and speaking in a calming voice.

“Berkman, I mean, Barry Berkman” He was trying to breath but there was a knot in is chest tightening more every second.

“Ok Mr. Bearkman, go with nurse Joaquin and help him fill some forms and we will take care of her, ok?” Barry nodded and let the nurse to take him away. He filled the forms mechanically not even sure he was putting on them and finally sit on the waiting room. He covered his face with his hands and he saw they were still covered in blood and the memories of the last time he had been in a hospital started rushing to his head like wild horses.

Mr. Cousineau knew, he was sure Fuches had told him the truth about Moss and was trying every day after the arrest to talk to him, and he tried his best to avoid him, he even skip a couple classes until it was impossible to ignore it anymore.

On the other hand the look for Fuches was a waste of time, any rat hole he was hiding in was too hard to locate, and since Hank was back at Chechnya he had no assets to help him.

One night Gene invited Sally and him to have dinner at his lake house again, an obvious set up since they have barely crossed words in the last two months, but after the massacre and the damage he was sure he had caused he felt like it was time to face the truth and find a solution. After all Gene was not Janice, and he was sure they could get to an arrangement.

Sally went to sleep and they were left alone in the livingroom, Mr. Cousineau had a glass of whiskey in his hand and signaled the door with a head gesture, and Barry walked outside with him.

“It would have been nice you know?” He started once they were by the lake. “Growing old here, just me and her, that’s all I wanted.” He was looking at the water and Barry was behind him just patiently listening. “I kept repeating that night in my mind, over and over again, for so long and it never occurred to me to think about you” Barry’s eyes were fighting back tears since Cousineau was standing right where she was that night “But in all fairness you had told me already what you used to do for a living, I just didn’t listen” He turned around and a small silver revolver was in his hands.

“Gene calm down, let’s talk about this” Barry started knowing all too well that the old man would shoot his own foot before he could aim at him.

“Why don’t you do it one more time?” He asked and took the gun by the barrel and gave it to him.

“Mr. Cousineau what are you talking about?” He asked perplex.

“My life is meaningless Barry, I have no longer reason to live without her and even when I hate to admit it Leo being back in my life is just not enough, so since you owned me this do it, take my life like you took hers” He put the gun in Barry’s hand an point to his head “Just do it”

“Are you insane? Sally is in the house” Barry let go from his hand and put the gun down “Where did you get this?”

“Is mine, I bought it to kill you, but I can’t do that, I’m too much of a coward, I don’t even have te courage to kill myself, that’s why I need your help” His voice was calmed and a monotone, but his eyes reflected a broken man and Barry feared he might convince him.

“Let’s get inside, we can talk about this later ok?” He said taking his hand, and the man followed him like a sheep.

“You’ll have to do it at some point, I haven’t told the police but I might” he said once they were on the house, and he walked to his room leaving Barry alone in the dark.

A couple weeks later Fuches broke into his apartment, he looked sick, skinnier, with several scars and open wounds on his face. Apparently the Chechens blamed him for the massacre in the monastery and he managed to make a deal to bring him to them.

“And why would I go?” He asked once he was tied to a chair “Do you really thought you could take me?” He asked, not to brag but he was in terrible shape and it didn’t cost him much to subdue him.

“Oh I knew I couldn’t, what I need is your help to flee the country, they know you want to kill me, if they think I failed and that you did they would leave me alone” He said, and he was no longer the man Barry used to know, he was erratic and completely disturbed.

“What if actually kill you and we end this for once?” He said and pointed his gun at him.

“You wouldn’t, you don’t want to, I have followed you, you live your life like the happy little lep dog of that blondie, and that’s fine. You don’t want to unleash the real Barry again, and I’m counting with that” He said and Barry got angry because he was right. He left him go without accepting his offer, but he was sure he will came back.

The days passed and he was holding on to the hope both men will drop their “plans” and since Mr Cousineau was becoming a granddad and he was offering a big party he believed at least he had.

The morning of the party Gene asked him to help him buy some party supplies and he gladly accepted, by two in the afternoon they were loading the car with bags and talking about the new baby in the almost empty parking lot.

“Barry, do you remember what I asked you?” He said after putting in the las bag.

“I do, and the answer is the same, it won’t happen” he said frowning.

“And I hope it doesn’t, the thing is, you don’t know how great life is until you know it, I mean I’m giving a baby shower for a woman I barely know because she is having my granddaughter”

“That’s great, I’m sure Leo is thankful for that” Barry was not completely sure of why he was saying, so he asked. “And now what, are you telling the police?”

“Oh jesus no, that’s a lot more trouble, and that won’t be enough punishment for you, I want you out of the class, forever. After the party, you’ll make a brilliant excuse and you will leave us alone” It was obvious he had rehearse that speech because he was not even looking at Barry who was about to replicate when the sound of a laugh make them turn around.

“Oh look the little actor guy is breaking up with you” Fuches said, he had a gun in his hand and was aiming at Barry.

“You??” Gene asked recognizing the so called Detective that had showed him Janice’s body, and told him about Barry “what else do you want from me?” He ask with his voice about to break.

“Absolutely nothing, but since our boy here is not responding to diplomacy I thought a little pressure may help, now Barry be a good sport and come with me or” He said and got closer to Gene still pointing the gun at him.

“Fuches stop this man, leave him alone, he is not part of this” Barry tried to reason with him “Let’s talk about this, leave him alone and I’ll figure out a way to help you, come on man” He started to come closer, and tried to move Gene away from Fuches.

“You really need to know who is in charge here Barry” Fuches said and shoot the gun, it was all so fast, as Gene body fall to the ground and Barry tried to hold him as Fuches was running away, but he didn’t bother on follow him, his only concern at that moment was to put pressure on Mr. Cousineau wound and wait patiently for the ambulance to arrive.

“Is going to be ok, don’t close your eyes, just hold on” He said while he dialed 911 on his phone “Hi, my… my friend has been shot, outside Ralphs on Venice Boulevard”

“That really hurts you know? I don’t know why would I tell yo to do that to me, but in the end you didn’t, isn’t it funny Barry?” He said before losing conciousness.

The lights of the ambulance came a couple minutes later, and they drove him to the ER, they asked him a couple questions and send him to the waiting room, he sited and waited for Leo and Sally to get to the hospital, he waited as he went into surgery, and he waited until the doctor come out to tell them he was out of surgery. The story they told was that some burglar tried to stole the car from them, and since the cameras on the supermarket recorded Fuches coming at them it was believable.

He spend every afternoon outside work in that hospital for the next week helping Leo take care of his dad. And even when Mr. Cousineau was thankful for his gesture he end up leaving the class when he came out of the hospital, hoping that being apart from him was enough to prevent more damage.

And now here he was, again waiting, again with blood on his hands, just that this time it was not his fault, the doctor came out a couple minutes later and walked him to her bed, they had shave part of her hair and put some stitches to stop the bleeding, and she was now awake, talking very animated with a nurse.

“And then you just add as much mozzarella as you want Abby” Y/N said and finally looked at Barry approaching to her bed.

“Well it sounds delicious, I would definitely try it. Thanks Y/N” The nurse saw the doctor and immediately walked away.

“Well apparently you are doing better Mrs. Berkman, but I still prefer for you to stay here for a couple more hours just to make sure you don’t have a concussion” The way she addressed her took Barry by surprise but he didn’t say anything.

“Do I have to? I’m fine, it was just a bump on the head, and you already fix that, and gave me a edgy haircut thanks for that” She responded, not bothering to correct her, wich was a surprise for Barry.

“Ok, let’s do this, your husband can take you home, but you can’t go the sleep, stay awake for at least the next 12 hours, and if anything happens in that time you can call me ok?” She said writing her number in a piece of paper and giving it to Barry “I’ll make someone take this off” She signaled the IV on her arm and walked away.

“Ok hubby let’s go” She winked at Barry once they were done with the paper work and inside Barry’s car.

“Why didn’t you said anything?” He asked starting the engine.

“Because they would have called Alan and since he is in Texas in a business trip I would have to stay the night there waiting for him to fly back so they could discharge me” She said like it was not a big deal “and don’t worry I put my on social security number, so the bill won’t be a problem.”

“So your apartment is empty?” He asked thinking about what the doctor said.

“It is, but don’t worry I can stay awake” She smile at him.

“Bullshit, I’ll stay with you, at least until you are clear to sleep” He said and she let go a little chuckle.

“Oh look at you, what a nice husband” the comment almost make him blush but he focused on the road. “Fine let’s go, we could find something to do for the next twelve hours”


	4. Stay awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dangerous feelings start blossoming between Barry and Y/N while they fight against the clock to remain awake and faithful to their own partners.

The lights on your studio were still on when you entered, and the dry blood on the floor made a horrible sight that almost made you faint again, thankfully a strong arm was holding you since you get out of the car, and he was looking at the floor too.

“I can clean that if you want” He said helping you sit down on a chair. “I’m not sure if you should climb your stairs yet”

“Thanks, that would be great. I would say leave it but I have class early tomorrow and is not a nice view for a bunch of 4 year olds” you said thinking about the wooden floor and how much damage the blood would cause, and Barry walk inside the storage closet looking for a mop.

“Then I will leave it there, you are insane if you think you are going to give any class tomorrow” He came back with the cleaning supplies and gave you a judging look, lacking any authority since he was holding a bottle of detergent in on hand and a bucket in the other.

“Fine mom, I’ll cancel” you held your hands high in surrender “Actually I can use a day off, I have this terrible student in the afternoon, he is a pain in the ass” You said and he rolled his eyes at you while rolling up his sleeves and starting to clean the floor.

An hour later the floor was spotless, he had an odd talent cleaning up blood, and made a funny shocked face when you pointed it out, the clock announce it was merely 8:00 pm and you had to remain awake until 6:00 am at least.

“I feel well enough to go upstairs, you can leave now” you told him hoping he would listen since his presence made you feel uneasy at times.

“No way, the doctor gave me a list of things to check up every couple hours, and if I leave you would fall asleep, but let’s go get you upstairs, you will be more comfortable on your couch” He said approaching with the clear intention of carrying you on his arms.

“I can walk, that won’t be necessary” You said quickly, ignoring the idea of how wonderful would it be to be held in those arms.

Maybe that was the reason you had end up screaming in the first place, an elaborate defense mechanism your brain set up in motion to ignore the growing feelings you had every time he enter the studio, every time you held his hand and forced down your waist while you were dancing, and the longing in your skin asking for more.

Of course there was handsome men in your class every now and then, grooms, fathers of the bride, actors, etc. and you had always conduct yourself professionally regardless the clear intentions some of them may have. And you have always respected your marriage with Alan even in the worst of times. But Barry was different, there was just something about the way he looked at you that make you want to scream and run away because it terrifies you how easily you could fall for him.

“Are you feeling nauseous?” He asked once you were sitting on the couch, and you nodded _no_ “Tired? Clouded vision? Having incoherent thoughts?” He continued reading the list the doctor gave him.

“I believe I’m a big green marshmallow queen of the north pole, but that’s normal right?” You say dead serious and he hide a grin behind the white sheet of paper.

“Very funny, we should call the doctor and share the joke with her” he said seriously.

“Fine, I’m sorry. I have a minor pain in my head, but I can see and hear perfectly clear, I remember everything that had happened clearly and I don’t feel like vomiting” you said and he put the list away satisfied with your answers. “I’m sorry I’m being an imposition to you, I’m sure you had plans” You continued and he opened his mouth to reply he was staying once again so you keep talking before he did “And since you are staying here at least let me fix you something to eat, is late and I don’t think you have eaten”. You stood up and he followed you to the kitchen.

“You really don’t have to, I can make a sandwich if you tell me where things are, or we could order something, I don’t think you should be near sharp objects” He plead alarmed when you took out a large knife from a drawer.

“Fine, but I’m paying, and once again I can assure you this is nothing I have had worst” you said putting down the cutting board and opening the fridge to offer him a beer “once I broke my leg in 3 pieces” you said confidently showing him a long thin scar on the side of your leg and suddenly feeling exposed since you haven’t change from your dancing clothes, and you didn’t feel the same confidence wearing them outside the studio.

“I’ve been shoot, a lot” he said lifting part of his shirt showing you a couple scars, not helping the situation in your mind.

“Ok war hero, you win, can you please order the food, I am going to change, feel yourself at home” You said patting his hand urging him to cover and hurrying to your room away from him.

***

Y/N took forever to come out and when she finally did she was wearing a comfortable pajama, and was drying her hair with a towel.

“You took a shower?” Barry asked upset “You could have fallen”

“But thankfully I didn’t, I have to I was covered in blood and I need to find a way to cover this” She pointed at the place the doctor have shaved her hair and she tried to hide it with a lock of hair.

“I’m sure the parents would understand you had an accident” he said confused by her despair.

“Yeah, they will mostly, but Alan would make a big deal out of it and I’m sure he will use it as an excuse to keep pushing me into selling the studio” She said letting her hair alone and crawling onto the couch.

“Why would he do that?” He asked trying to be interested and ignoring the pinch of jealousy he felt once again when she mentioned his name “I mean you do charge a lot but you have many clients”

“Is not about the business, he just thinks I should sale the studio to Macy since she knows how to run it, and move with him to Dallas or Colorado or whenever his company wants him, that way he would be home every night to see our children” She said exasperated at the idea.

“Children?” He asked a bit shocked since she never had mentioned any children before.

“The hypothetical children we will have in case I actually leave this place behind” She said with a sad look on her face.

“So you don’t want to have children?” He asked now genuinely interested. “I mean it’s okay if you don’t” he said quickly.

“Honestly?” She asked and he nodded “I really don’t know, I mean when I was 22 and dancing in Moscow I have this crazy fantasy that I would retire in glory from ballet at 32 and meet a wonderful man and have a girl and she would be a great dancer by the age of 4.” She had a sad smile on her face as if she could see herself in the moment she was describing.

“Moscow? As in Russia?” He asked.

“Yep, I was about to become a Prima Ballerina, then I broke my leg and every money I had went to surgery and recovery and suddenly I was no longer fitting to play Odette, or any major role and eventually like three years after I have to come back, I worked in Broadway for a while, that’s when I met Alan”

“Sounds romantic” he said sarcastically making her laugh

“It was, at least at first, but then I had another lesion in my ankle so I was no longer able to work there either, and he was nice and sweet and he was with me, so we got married and end up here, five years later dealing with moms that feel their children would be next Maria Kowroski”

Barry’s phone start ringing and he went downstairs to pick up the food, when he came back she was holding a big photo album in her lap.

“I haven’t seen one of those in forever” He said entering the apartment holding the bag with Chinese food. “I thought everyone had digital albums these days”

“They do, but you can’t do this to digital pictures” She said showing him burned hole in one of the photos. “Kids these days, what would they burn when they break up with a boyfriend? Anyway I’m starving” she pointed to the kitchen so they could eat.

They share an animated meal talking about how life and technology was passing by them, maybe a little lost resentful than usually since they both have the same opinions on the matter.

“Did you told him?” He asked after a while, he was leaning back in his chair looking at her finishing some noodles. “About not wanting kids I mean”

“Of course I did, since we were dating,but he had this idea that he would make me change my mind, and I was sure I would make him change his. Now we have civil dinners when he is home and pretend we are not angry at the way this marriage turned out, just waiting for one of us to give up and accept the other terms” She said and her bluntness took him by surprise again.

“I’m sorry” he said with a sad frown on his face “Earlier when I said this was your dream job and that your situation is perfect, I have no idea and I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, I shouldn’t have to try and prove you wrong forcing myself to do Odile’s Coda, since I’m clearly not in shape for it” She smile at him and pointed the injury in her head.

“Well that only make it worse, why would you need to prove anything to me? I’m really sorry”

“Relax, you already making up for it being here, and is only 10:00 pm, do you want to play a board game? I would say we watch a movie but I would fall asleep quicker that way” She said and he agreed.

They played scrabble, bringing out some dark competitive instincts on both of them, only interrupted when Barry took a couple trips to the bathroom to call Sally who was not upset at all that he had canceled their dinner since she had this amazing party to go to.

By 3:00 am and feeling extremely tired and looking at her about to give up he call the hospital, the doctor kindly told him she was clear to sleep, news he took gratefully, but before he could tell her she was already curled in the couch, he sit next to her and let her rest her head on his chest, maybe when they woke up he could feel guilt and remorse about it, maybe he would have to stay away from her since he was obviously interested in her but at that moment he was very comfortable and lost in the smell of her hair to care about anything else.


	5. The past always catches on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old faces and old problems came back to make Barry miserable, and the thin line between cheating and friendship gets blurrier every time the meet.

And alarm clock went off somewhere and Barry woke up alone, he check out his watch and it said 7:00 a.m. just 4 hours had passed and he could feel the absence of the woman that was next to him just a couple minutes before.

He felt guilty, not entirely sure why and kept his head pressed down on the couch, it was not cheating, right? He had spend the night with a woman who wasn’t his girlfriend, having dinner and playing board games and cuddling in the couch… but he did it because she was injured.

And smelling her hair and pushing her against him while they were sleeping was only to keep her safe, it meant nothing, it meant so little that he wouldn’t mention a single thing to Sally, because there was nothing to talk about, she was his dancing instructor and a mean rival at scrabble, and now possibly a friend, a friend with beautiful eyes and flowy hair, whit a delicate body that fit perfectly in his arms…a friend with warm skin and red lips he was dying to know what would they taste like.

“Morning sunshine!” Her voice made him shake those dangerous thoughts away and he stood up to see her already dressed and holding two cups of coffee and a bag from a local bakery. “I didn’t mean to wake you, but since I’m fine I thought you could use a coffee before going home”.

“No, it’s okay. Thanks” He said rubbing his eyes and joining her at the kitchen “Are those croissants?” He asked while she put the pastry on a platter.

“They are, I figured since I’m taking the day off I might as well make the best out of it, and since I can’t drink an enormous amount of sugar and chocolate is the second best option” she took a bite of one of the pastries and he sited in front of her not quite sure of what he was supposed to say.

She on the other hand seemed not uncomfortable at all, she had a pink headband covering the stitches and that was the only difference, she continued to be the same relaxed and friendly woman she ever was. He was relived but also hurt a little maybe he thought they will have a long heartfelt conversation about the nature of their relationship and how sorry he was about his behavior but she didn’t seem to mind at all, maybe it was for the best, at least they were friends now.

He walked down the stairs after he make her promise ten times she would not be opening the studio, and that he would check up on her in the afternoon. He was walking to his car when a familiar sensation in th back of his head alarmed him. He was being followed.

He opened the door cautiously looking around but he didn’t see anyone and then, crossing the street in front of him, not caring enough to hide Fuches approach him, he froze in the spot, knowing too well his gun was safe under his bed and that he didn’t even had a knife on him.

He looked better than the last time he saw him, no more open wounds, and his clothes were actually clean and new, but even when he looked put together his eyes looked tired and older than ever, maybe that’s why he left him approach so easily.

Fuches opened the passenger’s door and got inside, and Barry did the same, he start driving in silence in the unspoken understatement that they will do this in a more private place since the people opening the stores on that street were already coming out.

***

You let go a sigh of relief once he left, and look at your empty apartment already bored to death with the idea of staying in the whole morning, but you have promised not to do anything crazy so you put on a movie and sit on the couch in an attempt to become a cozy sloth.

Horror films were the select genre, trying to avoid anything remotely romantic that could reignite the feelings you have woken up to that morning. Not that his arms around your body didn’t felt like heaven, because they did, but because you were sure you were dancing on a thin line that you were not willing to cross.

That’s why you try so hard to be normal around him, there was no way you would give in on your feelings for Barry specially not around him, and yet you couldn’t fight the urge to have him back and just talk to him, about anything he would think off, kick his ass in scrabble again, maybe you were just friends? Maybe after years of being harsh on yourself feeling like a faliure his presence and his optimism about his career was all that had attracted you and you wanted to be around him because it remained of you when you started and he was a nice person worth being friends with.

But that didn’t explain why you needed to take a cold shower after he showed you the scars on his exposed skin, nor why did you went to sleep dreaming of touching them, you have to end that, starting with putting a barrier between the two, specially since he was happy with someone else, _as happy as you are_ , you said angry at yourself and push your mind away from him.

Two hours passed and you were fine watching young attractive people running from their lifes, that you forgot that you were supposed to stay away from him and send him a text.

**Since we are not dancing this afternoon you should bring money and alcohol and make the scrabble more interesting**

The moment you hit “send” you regretted it, and ten minutes went by without any response, you were about to send another message making sure he knew you were just joking when to make the situation worse, the door opened and Alan walked in making you jump on the couch in surprise.

He was holding a nice bouquet of flowers and was about to say something nice when his expression changed with concern.

“What the hell happened to your head?” You have taken the headband off and the stitches were visible, he left his stuff on the ground while you try to explain what had happened leaving one important detail in the dark. “Why didn’t you call? Y was free at 5 but I went out for drinks with the guys, you could have called, are you okay? I’m calling your doctor” His paternal voice while he check the wound make you feel worse even when you have done anything remotely accusatory.

“I’m fine, how was Dallas? Did you guys got the old man to sign?” He smile at you, like he always did when you resume his job into making old CEOs to sign their company’s away to him and his lawyer friends.

“We did, in fact I was dying to get here to get you out to celebrate” He said pointing out the flowers “But maybe champagne is not the best idea right now” He said looking worried at the injury again.

“That and also the fact that is 10:00 a.m.” You said and while he pick up his stuff from the floor and you quickly check your phone, no answer, maybe it was for the better, Barry Berkman was a dangerous path that you shouldn’t walk and you could send a text cancelling your class later. You turn off the phone and help Alan out of his jacket.

He took you by the waist and pulled you in for a kiss, maybe was the guilt you felt what was making you eager to ease away a pain you haven’t cause him yet but you deepened the kiss right there in the middle of the living room.

“Why was that for?” He asked with a confused happy look on his face holding you tight.

“Well is too early for champagne, but maybe not for other ways to celebrate” You said running your hands trough his arms and resting them on his chest.

“But your head…” He started with his hands on your back already making another choice.

“I’m fine, let’s go” you wink at him and he carried you to the bedroom, with your heart rising on your chest loudly enough for your guilty thoughts to remain silent at least for the moment.

***

“Scoring with a married lady, I never thought you have that in you” Fuches said jokingly and Barry’s hand tighten around the wheel.

“Leave her out of this” He growled and he saw the grin on Fuches face in the corner of his eye, he was teasing him and he fall right in “That’s not what I was doing, she is just a friend” He added with lest conviction knowing he had said too much already.

“I know kid, you are way too decent to do that stuff, weird since you have no problem killing, but anyway I like the blonde one better…” he didn’t finish talking since Barry almost lost control of the car when he mentioned Sally.

“Let Sally out of this or I swear to God I’ll kill you right now” this time Fuches expression was not pleased, he looked at the road concerned with Barry’s actions.

They parked in a drugstore that was empty at that time in the morning. And stand outside the car just watching the fence of the parking lot, Fuches light a cigarette and offered one to Barry but he rejected it.

“You are getting clumsy you know?” He said after a while, trying to find a way to bring on the subject without activating the timebomb he was when he got angry. “Using your own name on the hospital was stupid, oh yeah I know about your little excursion to the E.R.” He said tossing the butt of the cigarette in the ground “This ‘friend’ of yours must be close to call herself Mrs. Berkman doesn’t she?”

“She is my dance teacher… people assumed things” He started and the slight guilt in his voice was enough for Fuches to take the reins of the conversation.

“And I’m sure your girlfriend was aware of your whereabouts last night” He said, studying his reaction “Oh she doesn’t know?”

“So you are going to threaten me with snitching on me with Sally now?” He said surprised “That’s a bit ridiculous, why did you came back man?” He asked tired, he was sure now tha he could never kill him, no matter how much he had damaged him, that’s not who he was anymore but his hesitation to end things with him encouraged Fuches to keep coming back into his life.

“Well the Chechens were not please to lose their men, the Bolivians think NoHo Hank betrayed them and the Burmese mob wanted you dead” He said and a pain in his head reminded Barry of the that night, and flashes of his actions play before his eyes, _their men,_ the light fading away from Mayrbeck eyes still haunted him time to time. “Or whoever killed their leader for that matter, only the Chechens knew it was you and they kept it to themselves” he continued and Barry came back to the present, only nodding in understanding “So those guys thought it was Cristobal, since he survived your little outburst”

“And I suppose you didn’t have anything to do with them thinking that” Barry assumed correctly.

“Of course not, as I also tip off NoHo Hank that his sweetheart was in danger so he could protect him” He said with a grin “Poor guy is so smitten by him is actually sweet, anyway the Bolivians and the Chechens got in peace after and they stop trying to kill me and welcome me into the family, but they were at war with the Burmese”

“And why does any of that to do with me? since you say they don’t know who I am… they told them right? Hank rat me out to the Burmese?” He said connecting the dots on his head, and finally starting to get nervous about his momentary quiet life to blow up.

“It was a peace offering, they will give them this maniac killer who wrong the three of them and restore their peace, and they did already” He said putting out a photograph of a man covered in tattoos liying on the ground with multiple bullet holes on his body and head. “This is Marion Kowalski, an ex navy seal who mess with the wrong people and did some shady jobs for the mob for a price, and the American responsible for the Monastery massacre, and now they are all in peace”

“I don’t understand any of these” Barry said regaining a momentary calm.

“Well Hank and Batir, the new boss, have different ideas about what peace means” He said turning on another cigarette “Hank is happy to keep the business running in peace and for Batir is a strategy to hurt them back with all they got.” He put a hand on his shoulder when he said the last part and gave him a sad look.

“That includes me? It’s insane man, I’m not coming with you, you can’t convince me” He said putting his hand aside.

“No kid, I’m not here trying to convince you, this is a heads up” He said and pull out a passport with one of his many fake identities “I’m leaving to Italy, Hank arranged it, they are actively looking for you and since I don’t know where you are I’m no longer useful but since he owns me Cristobal’s life I got this last favor. They won’t take a no for an answer and you either join them as a weapon or as a trophy”.

“How long do I have?” He said now finally accepting the cigarette he offered him and looking away thinking.

“I don’t know, Hank has been deviating their attention until I’m clear, after that I guess a day or two before they make a formal offer and after that is all up to you” He said and showed him a plane ticket “I’m leaving in a week so if I were you I will start making myself hard to find”

“Are you really going to Italy?” Barry asked finally after they share the silence, knowing too well it was the last time they will meet.

“Maybe, I wouldn’t trust my own words, it was good seeing you kid” He said and offered him his hand. “Take care”.

“You too” Barry said and resisted the urge to hug him since there were still too many open wounds between the two of them, that now will never have closure, Fuches turn away and start walking before Barry called him again “Hey Fuches!” He turned his head at him with a sad expression again “Thanks” they nodded and he walked away.

Barry tossed the cigarette on the ground and stood there for another ten minutes before getting on his car, his first instinct was to drive away and leave it all behind but he couldn’t start the engine, so he took out his phone not sure who he was calling, there were 3 text messages on his screen, one from Sally from an hour ago, another from Y/N grom fifteen minutes before, and a third one from Andre just two minutes ago, in an attempt to ignore his reality read his first.

**Where the fuck are you Block? We have the crew ready and I’m not putting my production on hold for you!**

Before he could look at the other two Andre was calling him incredibly mad at him, and he shut everything else down and simply started his car while he answered.

“I’m sorry, I slept in, I’m on my way”


	6. Unfaithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The line is finally crossed, but maybe not for the person expected.

The rumor of sheets moving and the muffled steps on the carpet didn’t wake you up, the clock in your nightstand said 02:00 pm and you have been sleeping for about half an hour after your spontaneous marital responsibilities, and you were still tired for the sleepless night; it was the sudden loneliness in the bed that felt wrong enough to make you incorporate in the bed.

“I thought the main purpose of getting married was that the guy will no longer leave in a hurry barely putting on his clothes” you told him and he gave you an strange look that made you feel uncomfortable with your nudity and search for a robe to cover yourself.

“I’m sorry honey, there is already trouble with the merge of the new company” He said putting on his pants and searching for a clean shirt on the closet “I had to head for the office, but I’ll be home by 9, and we can have dinner”

“I can cook if you want” you said approaching him and helping him with his tie “Your favorite maybe?” You gave him a sad smile knowing too well what _by 9_ meant.

“Oh no, you should rest, we can go out or order something” There it was, like always an empty promise to hide the fact that he would stay until 10 or 11 pm at the office, and avoiding trouble at home by not making you put on any effort.

“Sure, there is new place a couple blocks from here I want to try” You said now following the lie “Is an Italian place _L'angolo delle delizie_ maybe you could make reservations” You followed him out of the room and gave him the suitcase he left on the ground.

“Sounds great” He said putting on his jacket, he smiled the way both of you knew it meant _we are not doing that_ “Italian sounds great, specially since you eat a lot of Chinese last night” He add completely innocently, but it light all the alarms in your head and protectively grab your phone, even when he was not looking at it.

“I was just hungry” You lied and he gave you a kiss on the cheek before walking away, the steps down the stairs became distant and one final door closed downstairs and then silence.

And like a stupid little child you started to cry holding yourself, until your legs won’t hold you anymore and you feel into the floor, tired and angry at yourself, still holding the phone, you opened to see a text from Barry, one hour after the one you sent.

**Sorry, I was filming. Doctor said you can’t drink, but I’ll bring the money. Meet you at 5.**

The fact that he was still concerned about your well being made you smile, and then you were angry for smiling so you throw the phone against the wall and screamed in pain.

It was wrong, you felt guilty without doing anything, and the reason was now completely clear, you wanted to, you wanted for him to make a move on you, since you were too much of a coward to do it yourself.

But he wouldn’t, he had a beautiful girlfriend, you saw her face popping up in random tv shows and commercials now an then, and you knew the mere reason you have met was to make her happy. He loved his Sally, with a devotion that was longer lost from you and Alan.

You stand up and picked the phone, then you look at your wedding picture, _Juntos para toda la vida_ Together for life, a nice thing Alan Spanish grandma said on your wedding day, and now it felt more like a sentence.

You repressed the urge to cry again and instead change your clothes for something you could dance with. At least exhausted and covered in sweat you could silence your conscience.

After three hours of miserably following the rythm and two close calls to hit the floor again you lie on the floor completely tired. But maybe a little more peaceful, then Macy’s figure came inside and blocked the light before giving you a hand to stan up.

“The four year olds keep giving you a hard time?” She asked once you were on your feet.

“No, I actually cancel class today, I forgot to tell you” You said and pointed at your head “I suffered a minor accident last night”

“And why are you doing this then?” She pointed at your clothes and then the record player “The last time you did that was because you were stressed out about your grandma having her hysterectomy”

You let go a tired sigh and not quite sure why start telling her the whole story, about how things were bad with Alan, about the feelings you had for Barry about how you weren’t sure if you were doing something wrong, and she sit there with you listen patiently, maybe because at some point you have done the same for her or maybe just to be a decent human being.

“Berkman huh?” She said finally and then smiled at you “I mean I get it, he can’t dance to save his life but he is kinda cute. Remember that rich guy who always sent you flowers after class even when he saw Alan coming home every day? He was hot, you should have chosen him” She said and both of you laughed, somehow talking about it that naturally and without judgment does made you feel better.

“Yeah, I remember, but I was too busy with Alan being promoted and the business here growing I didn’t have time to that kind of stuff” you said and she gave you a serious look.

“I don’t think you have time now either, but that was 3 year ago and you were deeply in love with him, so no other men seem important, he was as forgetful and workaholic as he is now, you just didn’t care, and now Barry Berkman is just a clumsy student who is being polite as midwesterners are” She said, and you appreciate her being direct, but it felt wrong to face the facts like that “And you act like he has shaken your marriage like an earthquake, but the truth is that he hasn’t. You have to ask yourself, do you like him or do you simply don’t love your husband anymore?”

“I love Alan” You said almost too quickly “But I know what you mean, and you are right maybe Barry is just and excuse to project the little stability my husband and I have, but what can I do?” You ask her and she pointed at the door.

“Thinking quickly because the devil is calling” She said since he was opening the door with a lost look on his eyes and holding another board game under his arm.

***

 _Y/N I have something to tell you_ Barry keep rehearsing how to bring up the sensitive information, and yet he was dying to avoid the conversation with her.

“Hey there!” Macy and give her the perfect excuse to not say anything, at least not at the moment.

It all started with Sally’s invitation to eat after he finished filming for the day, he pretended Y/N text didn’t exist to avoid thinking about her, but he finally give in and spend the rest of the session smiling like a child, thinking about how much he was waiting for 5:00 to meet her again, he even went to a toy store to bought a The office Clue special edition since she had said she love that show, obviously just as a get well present, he said to himself.

He drove to the restaurant, and inside there were already Sally and her friend Monique from the movie she was filming, and he asume her boyfriend, a handsome man in a suit and he looked vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place from where.

“Babe you made it!” Sally said happy and gave him a quick kiss making room in the booth for him to sit. “We were about to order without you.” She said and then pointed at her friend, “You remember Monique, and this is her boyfriend Alan, he is a commercial lawyer, and works for a big company” She said and the man extended his hand with a incredibly white smile.

And he could see briefly see a discolored line where a wedding band should be, and he remembered that same smile in a wedding picture he had been seeing with guilt that morning.

“Boyfriend? So you are not married?” He said without thinking and the man laughed nervously

“Barry!” Sally said and gave him a playfully look meaning _shut up_.

“Oh I’m sorry, but you have been talking so much about Monique and how great she is I assume she was already taken” He lied, but the woman felt delighted.

“Oh is too soon to talk about that, we have been dating for, how much sweety? A year? More or less?” She said and Barry smiled trying to pretend he was not hearing any of that.

“Yeah, like a year” He said politely “We should order, I’m starving”

“Oh yeah, honey, he was telling us how he just came back from Dallas, making a big merge with an oil company” Sally said completely unaware of how Barry’s fists were clenched on his lap wanting to blow up the smile from that man’s face.

The worst part was that he was charming and polite, and a total gentleman with the woman, making the idea of Y/N alone at home waiting for him the more infuriating, after the meal he and Monique left together so Barry had to drive Sally home.

“They were nice right?” She said once they were on the road “I mean she is amazing but they together are really nice people”

“Well…” He started not sure of what he should said “He is fine for her, I mean he was a bit pretentious”

“I mean yeah, but you know he is a very busy and important guy, anyway how was your day? When are you going to let me go with you to one of your classes?” She asked genuinely interested.

“Oh you don’t really want to go, I’m still not ready, but it was a good day at the studio, we are almost done” He said and then unable to still silent he ask “Hey if you knew that someone is cheating someone close to you, would you tell them? Or would you prefer to never know?”

“OMG who is cheating?” She asked opening her eyes widely “Jermaine is cheating on Natalie? I knew they wouldn’t last” She said putting both of her hands on her face “She is going to be crushed”

“What? No!! I mean I don’t know, last time they were fine, is more like an hypothetical question” He said now concerned that maybe Jermaine was in fact cheating on Natalie.

“I don’t know, I mean if this person doesn’t tell me may be to protect me” She started, after a long pause “But if they are my friends and they didn’t tell me I would feel betrayed for them letting me be a fool for so long while someone is making fun of me, on the other hand what if it’s a just one time thing and we are having a happy relationship and this only ruined it? I would blame my friends, but how could we be happy if the guy is cheating?? No definitely I would rather know” She said and then gave him a concerned look at Barry “are you sure you are okay?”

“Yeah, totally fine, hey do you wanna go to the movies? I can skip class today” He said with a tight knot on his throat finding a way to avoid Y/N.

“Oh I will love to , but I have a lot of lines to read and prepare for tomorrow” She said and he simply drove her home to later return at the dance studio. Thinking about how will he deliver such terrible news to her friend and that they might not be friends at all after he did.

“Is that The Office special edition of clue?” She asked excited once he was close, getting him out of his thoughts

“Yeah, it is” Barry responded giving her the box “How is your head?”

“Better, I’m just concerned about the hair, are you ready to loose some money?” She smile at him, and he returned the smile, both ignoring Macy rolling her eyes.

“I wanna play too” She said “The more the merrier right? Let’s go I wanna take your money”

Things work out better than he expected since Macy’s presence was distracting enough so he forgot what he was supposed to tell her, but after a couple hours and a few beers she left, leaving the two of them in an awkward silence.

“How was your day?” She break the silence first picking up the games while he help her clean te table.

“It was fun, after I left I had to make a few errands” He lied “And I was late to shooting, so Andre scream at me, is weird since he is about 1 foot shorter than me, but the movie is going great”

“Maybe he feels threatened by a handsome actor who can dance, and what was the other thing? Speak fluent Italian?” She laughed and he had to stop his mind to fantasize about how this was the perfect domestic life he wanted with her.

“And French” he smirked “I should’ve put Russian, you could have taught me that two” He said and the smile she gave him completely trusting remind him that he had something else to say. But then a ring went off in the other room and she run to answer.

“No it’s okay, yeah I get it, say hi to Tom and Claudia for me ok? We can celebrate tomorrow” She said on the phone and then she hung up violently.

“Everything okay?” He said approaching cautiously.

“Yeah, Alan is working late, and he is going to spend the night with a partner of his firm, apparently they have some issues that were not completely solved in Dallas” She said looking at the floor.

“So he is already in LA?” Barry asked and his curiosity took her by surprise.

“Yeah, he came back in the morning, but he had to leave in a rush in the afternoon” She said and then look at the clock “You know what? Let’s go out, let’s get drunk, I haven’t left the house since last night and honestly I’m perfectly fine”

And before he could argue with her she was already in her room changing to a pair of jeans and a bright blouse, while he keep thinking about the right way to tell her, but apparently that would have to wait, since at the moment she was concerned in putting the most possible amount of alcohol in her system.

“You shouldn’t do this” He tried to convince her one last time without success.

“Come on, there is a bar around the corner, I can come back home walking, you either come with me or I’ll go alone, what do you say?” She had an special talent to make him say yes and he could only follow her.

“Fine, but just a couple drinks ok?” He said finally walking behind her.

“You wanna do shots?” She said after she have drink three glasses of wine while he was still on the first one.

“Not really” he said.

“Hey gorgeous, 4 shots of my friend Jose” She call the bartender who gave him a judging look at him before serving them. “Ok, let’s do this” She said and he look down at the shot glass “No, no, you have to look at me or it doesn’t count” she said taking his face on her hand, and that spontaneous touch and intimate look that she gave him was enough for him to loose his mind and drink the burning and delicious liquid without any hesitation.

Two became four and by the sixth round the bartender simply let the bottle and they were more than happy to finish it. He no longer care about what he knew about his moron rich husband, all he care was that she wanted to dance and now he finally feel like he knew how.

They walk together, back to the studio, not caring to walk straight, and with no respect for personal space since they were holding on each other shamelessly.

Once inside she put his rehearsing piece on the record player and before she finish taking of her shoes he took her by the waist, more personal and closer than ever, they move roughly at first but after a few minutes he was following the music perfectly l, with his eyes never leaving hers.

“Well that’s the secret” she said once the song was about to end “We should get you drunk before your big scene” The son ended but he did let go of her nor she set his hand free.

“I think is more about the partner” He said pressing her more to his chest.

“Well sadly they want young and beautiful actresses, even they have terrible technique” she said quietly.

“You are young and beautiful” he lowered his face to be a few inches from her mouth.

“I’m also married Barry” She answered, without any will to walk away and move herself closer to him.

“I don’t care”


	7. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a split second the wholenlive and system of Barry's life falls to pieces. What comes after that?

He leaned in ready to kiss you, and for a millisecond you were sure it was going to happen, so you close your eyes and take a small breath ready to feel his lips… but then a floral and feminine fragance lingered under the alcohol and the thought of blonde hair and a bright smile flash before your eyes, and made you speak.

“But I care” You said, and he immediately stop and let you go, he look at you with sad eyes, and was about to start apologizing about how he didn’t mean to offend you but you spoke first.

“I like you Barry, I am attracted to you so much that is shameful, especially since tonight for the first time in almost 5 years I felt like a school girl willing to fall down the rabbit hole that is being attracted to someone, and I’m beyond happy knowing you like me as well” it took all the strength in your body to say those words and keep looking into his eyes without crying but you managed, and decided to say it all before the fear betrayed you. “But the truth is that even if I don’t feel like that for my husband anymore, I’m still with him, and you’re still with Sally, and this adolescent crush, or whatever this is, will be a drunken mistake in the morning, and I care too much about you to let you ruin your relationship, because I’m sure you do love her” you took a deep breath then and try to keep talking but now was impossible, the shameful revelation that you were actually no longer in love with Alan was out and it hurt more than you expected.

“I’m sorry” He started, and pulled you closer to him again, but there was no longer the electricity that had been there minutes before, he simply hold you while you let your bitter tears roll and caress your hair. “You are right, I been trying to lied to me all this time, but you are right, I wanted you, and it’s wrong, and if someone has to be ashamed of his behavior is me, I spend the night with you knowing that you are married and I didn’t care, and it was for the selfish purpose of being with you.”

You pull apart one last time, and your whole body ached, knowing too well that this was the end of something that hasn’t even started, but your conciousness was now in charge and this was the right thing to do.

Because in the end you were sure you have fallen for the same reason he had, he wanted Sally to be more like you, willing to leave everything for him, and you wanted Alan to be mor like him, changing his entire self to fit your dreams, under no circumstances was that healthy, nor real, and you both knew that neither was happy.

You said your goodbyes, and the empty promise to pretend to keep being friends, but the quick excuses you made to avoid him the next days and let him alone practicing with Macy, let clear that it was not going to work.

Because even when it was just a fantasy, just a dream, just the idea of something better, it still hurt. It hurt when you accidentally saw him on the street on a date with his beautiful girlfriend, and you could see the light in his eyes when he saw you, and the subsequent sadness because you were now sure that he wanted you too, it hurt even when you were walking on Alan’s arm, because seeing him kiss her make your husband efforts to gain your forgiveness seem empty, specially since the tears he saw in your eyes that day were not his doing, but Barry’s.

It hurt because, it was not just an idea, not just the idealization of the sweet midwestern boy with perfect blue eyes, it hurt because you love him.

***

Loosing her was hard, pretending to be okay without her gentle touch, and her playful teasing during rehearsals was harder, but seeing her with her husband on the street was heartbreaking, Barry knew he didn’t deserve her, but neither did Alan.

In the second he saw him next to Sally he tried to hide, and pull away from Y/N, maybe to prevent Sally to figure out he was cheating on his friend. That’s why he kissed her, to avoid confrontation, and a couple minutes later while she was in the bathroom, and Y/N was paying in a store Alan approach him, with his false smile bright.

“Hey Barry was it?” He said, and offered him a hand, that Barry took repressing the urge to punch his teeth out.

“Hey” _Asshole_ “So you broke up with Monique?” Or is that your sister?“ He said trying to sound naive, but his eyes were clearly looking at his wedding band.

"No, that’s Y/N, she’s my wife” He said, with no shame, and Barry was surprised, but maybe a little pride. “You know how it is, huh?” He playfully punch him on the shoulder.

“Sure, she is quite beautiful” He said feeling the words burning in his tongue “Do you think she wants to meet Sally?” He add completely serious and Alan gave him a perplex look. “I’m kidding, but you should leave, she is in the bathroom”

“My man” he said and put his arm around him like they were friends “you almost got me, yeah she is quite something, but too chatty sometimes” Barry was about to break his arm, pleading the skies for Sally or Y/N to see them so it all could end, but he let go first “Thanks, I’ll go before they meet, thanks Berkman, you are a real Bro”

“Sure, bro” he answered monotony, and saw him walk away, shaking, missing like never before having a gun in his pocket.

“So I was thinking” Sally said on their way home, he had been pretending to listen about all her fabulous new friends and definitely not thinking in a way to eliminate a certain lawyer.

“Um huh?”

“About what you said a week ago” She said and let go a deep sigh “And I think that maybe cheating won’t be an issue if you are both okay okay about it”

Thankfully she was wearing a seatbelt, because he braked abruptly and almost caused and accident.

“What?” He said and she look at him concerned but also embarrassed by the way she had formulated her statement.

“No like that, I mean, maybe if people were completely honest with their partners and their boundaries they would not need to cheat” She said and he was able to keep driving normally until they get to her house.

“So people should tell each other I want to sleep with someone else, be okay with that?” He was trying to not be mean or sarcastic, but it was almost impossible.

They put the groceries in the kitchen and he sit on her couch, and she sit in front of him.

“No, I mean more like maybe people should not commit so much in a relationship if they are not ready for it” She said, and he finally understand where she was going.

“So you want to be with someone else and I’m on the way?” He said more bluntly than he wanted, maybe his time with Y/N have had a negative impact on him.

“Oh my God no!” She said quickly “But maybe you do?” She add.

“I will never cheat on you Sally” _LIAAAAR_ “I’m really confused right now”

“I know you wouldn’t” She started and put her hand on his knees tenderly “Is just that with Sam I run into commitment so soon, and I’m afraid that I’m doing the same right now, and what if I’m in the middle of your own journey as an actor, or you in mine? Is not like I’m interested on other men, is just that I think I should be more interested in me as a person, as an artist” She said, she sound sincere but something about her words made him feel like she had rehearsed her speech at least a couple times before. “What I’m trying to say is that maybe, just maybe we should take a break you know? You should focus on your movie, and I should focus on my projects and in a couple months when things are cool down at work we could have more time for each other” She said and she tried to smile.

“Focus on your projects? So you wouldn’t be dating anyone?” He said holding his hands in fists, trying to not start screaming at her.

“I don’t think I have time for that” She said in al calmed voice “But I would not be mad at you if you do” She said and that was enough for him.

“Ok” He said and stood up trying to leave.

“Wait Barry, you can stay, is just an idea” she tried to stop him but was cautious enough to not touch him, and he felt a pain on his chest knowing why, he would never act like her stupid ex husband, so he calmed immediately and turned around.

“It’s okay, I may not want this, but if you do, it’s okay, I will see you in a couple months then” He avoid kiss her goodbye and simply walk out of her house.

He got on his car and start driving nowhere in particular, after almost half an hour he was willing to think about what had just happened, he lost Sally, and put Y/N firmly in the arms of her stupid husband. He was now truly alone, and maybe that’s why when the black truck that had been following him pass next to him and a bald man covered in tattoos make him a sing to drive behind him he didn’t think of escaping, if this was the moment the Chechens were waiting it was perfect, he had nothing left to lose.


	8. Bad Habits die hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tries yo keep running away from his old ways, but destiny always has funny ways to show us just how little we can control in our lives.

NoHo Hank was already in they warehouse that the other bald man drive him to, he looked a hit more pale than usual, but he still had a bright smile on his face, and if it was possible it grew even more once he saw him enter the building.

“Oh Barry, I thought Anzor will have to bring you by force here” He said and as always having an exaggerated hospitality considering the large weapons his men were carrying and the desolate place they were in, and specially since Anzor had already tied his hands together an sit him on a chair in front of Hank “Well I’m sure Fuches told you, we had an offer for you, and I want to be clear, I am more than willing to negotiate, but Batir is more of a "Do it or else” kind of guy, so what do you expect from this little exchange?“ He said like this was a normal job interview, and maybe his annoying attitude made him came out of the trance and realize this was a bad idea.

"I won’t kill for you anymore Hank” He said, but the pale man ignored him, or pretend he didn’t listen “I came here because Fuches ask me too, but I’m no going to become your henchmen, I’m no longer killing for a living” And then because he was actually not to convince to fight for his life he add “So if you want to kill me do it for once, this is your best chance” he said and rise his tied hands

“Oh relax, who said anything about a henchman? We are no longer that kind of business” Hank said and with a hand order his men to walk out, then he let him lose, so he start rubbing his wrists.

“And the Chechen mob just want to hire me as what? An accountant?” He said bitterly. “What kind of business are you now then?”

“Batir is expanding our portfolio of business, and well sometimes acquiring new companies takes a little of persuasion, you would understand that people don’t feel comfortable with guys like Anzor doing the negotiation, a gorgeous tall man with piercing blue eyes like you could come in handy to us”

“That sounds a lot like being a henchman, also what if I said yes? I am going to bully every company owner in LA for you and Batir, and then what? When I’m no use for you anymore you will shoot me? I don’t think so” He said, desperately trying to figure out an escape plan.

“Oh but that’s were you are wrong Barry, we don’t want to hire you to be part of our organization, this is more a freelance situation” He said and smile widely since Barry was now perplex and silent. “We have a problem with a little oil company that thought they could found a wide benefactor in Texas so they will protect them from Batir, you must understand how disrespectful that is, so we want you to go a and make their lawyers to back on that idea and come back to us, after all you have greatly offended us, however if you do this your debt will be completely erased” he said and let him a couple minutes to think.

“How am I supposed to convince them?” He asked finally.

“Well you can just look at them with those puppies” he said pointing at his eyes “And if that doesn’t work I’m sure you can figure something out, in the end if something happens to them I’m sure their boss will understand the message”

“How many?” He answered, and even when he haven’t agree yet he could feel the adrenaline run trough his veins.

“Two guys, semi rich, but pretty unknown guys” he said unable to hide his excitement.

“And we are clear?”

“And we are clear” He said delighted “After Fuches little charade with the Burmeses, Batir thinks you are better away from us, but he will spare your life for a favor, specially a big one like this one, and if it comes to the worst case scenario for them he will also pay you for your service.

"It must be a big company if they are willing to forgive everything just for two guys” Barry said and Hanks let out a little laugh that made him realize there was something else going on there.

“Isn’t it funny? This is how we met, and how we said goodbye too” he started “One of the guys used to work for us, but then he starts getting ideas of how to get ahead of Batir and he start giving advice to companies to go with our competition for a price obviously and then Batir found out he has been dating one of his niece’s for like a year, like any other straight guy, right? Why do you have to be so toxic? Anyway, he wants him dead, and he is convinced that is you could do an exceptional job as you did in the monastery you can eliminate him” He handed him a folder but before he could open it a moment of clearness came to his head.

“Why me?”

“Well because you can handle a gun like anybody and are the best cold blooded killer of course” He said with no hesitation.

“Hank, you know what I mean, why do you want me to kill this man specifically, and why now?” He said with his hands trembling while he opened the folder.

“Batir found out he was dating Monique while we were following you” He started, serious for the first time in their exchange “Crazy coincidence huh? Anyway it could be of use to your lady friend, the guy is an asshole, not like Monique is any good either, but you know Batir, it took some convincing him to give this work to you, otherwise he will send our guys to deal with him, and you know how stupid these guys are, there could be collateral damage” he said and he could see the anger on his face as he look the pictures of Alan coming out of Y/N studio.

“I’ll do it, I want half in advance” he said finally, and the dark look on his eyes was enough for Hank to not prevent him to leave “She needs to stay out of this, you know that right? I will kill you myself if she knows, understood? ” He said before he walked out.

“Loud and clear”

Once he was alone in his car and away from the look of Hank’s men he did the only logical thing he could think off and he start screaming, and loudly banging his hands against his head, he had swear to stop this, no more blood in his hands, but Hank was right, there would be collateral damage otherwise, and if doing nothing meant having her blood on his hands he rather take his gun out again.

The next morning a duffel bag with 15 thousand dollars masterly appeared at his door, thankfully before his roommates could see it, and he spent the next three days using his rehearsals to calculate Alan movements out of the studio. And he concluded that his best chance was early in the morning when he leave his house to go to his “office”

“So tomorrow is the big day” her voice said once he was resting after a particular hard session with Macy, but since his mind was on her husband he didn’t saw her approach him.

“How do you know?” He asked alarmed, but he immediately realized she couldn’t possibly know.

“Well you told us that your big recording of the dance is tomorrow, that’s why Macy is making you do this all extra work isn’t it?” She said a bit scared of his tone, maybe fearful that they were not supposed to talk yet.

“Oh that, sure, I’m just a bit worried about it I’m sorry” He said and finally a good idea came to his head. “Actually it would mean a lot of you could be there, you can tell Janice to stop acting out and teach a thing or two to my coordinator” he improvise a smile and she take it as a good sign because she smiled back.

“I would love too, what time?”

“Well I have to be there at 10, but you should go early like at 8 and see the studio, I’ll text Sophie so she will give you a pass” he said knowing that Alan leave the house exactly at 8:30.

“Are you sure you want me there? I mean maybe you’ll get more moral support from your…”

“I’m sure my ex girlfriend is busy tomorrow” He cut her mid sentence and for a brief moment that doesn’t have to do with murder he enjoy the little smile that curve on her lips at the word _ex_

“In that case I think I can be your cheerleader for a day” She said but then she took a guilty look at her wedding ring and her smile disappeared “I’ll see you tomorrow I guess”

He had a sleepless night, he took his gun out and cleaned, then he reviewed his plan over and over again, trying to think of a way out of this, he would kill Alan and broke Y/N heart because his nexus with the Chechens will be clear after his dead and he will be finally free, and in a couple months he and Sally will be happy, that was it right? She may be ashamed for his husband but she will be alive…

He could obviously spare his life, convince him to go away, in that case how long before Batir found out?, how long before he killed him… but she will be safe, with both men away from her… Because it was clear to him that spare Alan’s life meant his own death sentence, maybe months later, but eventually, but if he was now without Sally, without Y/N, even without Fuches, what was the point?

He finally took a decision and put both the gun and the money in his backpack and fall asleep at 3 in the morning. Making his last thoughts to be of her, waiting in the studio to cheer him on his big scene.

When the sun rise over LA next morning he was drinking a hot cup of bad coffee, looking in the distance how she exit her house at 7:30, she looked prettier than in his dreams, he could have swear that she was carrying her white seetrough dancing skirts on her bag, ready to teach Janice a lesson, and his heart ached, he could not do it anymore.

Suddenly he felt the urge to confess, so he called her, begging the heavens for her to pick up, she would hate him, but she would be safe.

The phone ring… once, twice, it went to voicemail after the fourth. He was about to hang up, but suddenly he found himself talking, he didn’t confess… not to his crime at least, but he was now certain that herr life and stability were more important, and sure that he will no longer see her again.

At exactly 8:30 Alan left the studio, he walk to his car that he parked a little far from the entrance, so he didn’t saw the man wearing a hoodie and a baseball hat approach him, and there was so little people on the street that nobody else did.

“Keep walking asshole” and angry voice, oddly familiar, said and put what without a doubt was a gun on his back.

“Take my wallet and my phone man, that’s all I got on me” he said with a nervous voice “Here my car keys, is that one there, is new” He said now more like a plea.

“I don’t care about your fucking money, keep walking” he said and put him closer to him, it almost look like two friends walking, nothing suspicious about them, finally after a couple blocks he made him walk towards an alley and finally made him face him, he took off the hoodie and the cap.

He looked surprised at first, maybe a little less frightened, but the gun on his hand was a very real threat.

“I don’t understand” he started “what do you want?”

“Do you know a man named Batir?” Barry asked with a dry growl, enough to make him silent.

“No, what are you talking about?” He lied nervously.

“It will be on your best interest to don’t lie, I will ask one more time, do you know who Batir is?” He said putting the gun between his eyes.

“Ok, I do, I may have work with him a couple times, but I’m clean now ok?”

“Don’t piss your pants dude, one more question, why did you think it was a good idea to screw his niece?” Barry said and Alan’s brain seemed to finally connect the dots.

“This is about her? I’m no longer with her, we broke up, after you saw me with Y/N, I swear” He said, and the mention of her name make him loose his guard for a moment, something that Alan notice. “Listen I love my wife ok? You don’t have to do this, I already got a better job offer in Texas, I will leave and Batir can keep harassing small companies, if he want the merge gone is gone ok? I don’t care about the money, it was all my associate Tom’s idea.”

“You really like to snitch right?” Barry said exasperated “Turn around” Tear started running on Alan’s face, and all hope abandoned his body “TURN AROUND NOW!!” He screamed.

He obeyed shaking and face the wall, and maybe without the fury of Barry’s eyes looking at him he managed to think with clarity.

“Think of her” he said and even when he didn’t saw him he felt his respiration change and saw his hand an the gun shake on the corner of his eye. “I know you are her friend, she told me everything last night because I saw you leaving the studio in the afternoon.” He explained quickly and since he didn’t fired he continued “You must care about her since you didn’t told her what you knew about me, your a decent guy Barry, don’t do this, I promise I will leave…”

***

**_“Y/N? Damn it’s your voicemail, anyway I’m calling because… actually I don’t know why I’m calling, I’m going to see you later right? , I was thinking maybe we should go eat after… You know what? The truth is… that I think, I don’t know maybe if things were different, maybe I would have asked you out, but you are married and I can’t change that, but at least I wanted to say that I’m glad that I met you, thank you for being there… I’ll see you soon”_ **

It was already 9:45, and he hasn’t showed up yet, but you had made a full tour of the studio with Sophie and she even let you give notes to Janice, since apparently she have saw you dance in NY years before, but for a moment an odd feeling invaded your heart, the message had no sense but it felt like a goodbye.

Something completely stupid of course since he had no reason to say goodbye, but you did. You had confess to Alan about your adolescent crush, and after a long talk you had decided to try again, even when you were sure it was impossible. But it wasn’t fair on your side to drag Barry into that mess, he was a good man after all.

***

The sudden sound of something hitting the ground scared him, but it was just a backpack.

“Pick it!” He said and he obeyed “There are 10 thousand dollars there, I’m sure a smart guy like you can find a way to survive somewhere else with that, you will leave and never comeback ok? No contact with Y/N or any girlfriend, no family. Nothing” He said angrily.

“Of course, thank you, I swear you won’t see me again” he said frantically.

“Give your phone and your wallet, and your car keys” Alan do as told quickly now with his breathing regulated. Barry was about to start walking away from him, when he could saw him smile sardonically. “What is so funny?”

“The fact that I knew sleeping with Monique was wrong and I panicked when you saw me with my wife, but I never thought that it could save my life” He said and maybe the nod Barry gave him encouraged him to keep talking. “At least now you can be with her, and I don’t intend to come back and ruin your future happiness by her side.”

“What?”

“Y/N, last night she was so helpless telling me how sorry she was about her little crush on you. That’s how I know you are a man of honor, you had dirt on my, and you like my wife, yet you didn’t told her.”

“Is not about honor, not like you would understand it” he said suddenly getting angry at him.

“Yeah yeah, everyone has an agenda Berkman, and everyone can be bought, maybe not all with money, like in this case”

“What do you mean?” He said with a calm that hide his anger from Alan.

“Well I bought my life from you and ten thousand dollars in exchange of my silence and my blissful ignorant wife, who appears to be to decent to cheat on me, maybe you’ll have to work a little there for her to take you, but don’t worry I won’t come back”

“No, you won’t"


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could they have a rainbow after the storm?

“And now we have Barry Berkman” A reporter approach him and his date on the red carpet. “Mister Berkman, your movie took the world by surprise and specially your scene, the word out is that your big dance scene in the middle was achieved in one take, how do you feel with this sudden success?”

“I… I have a really good partner and a better director, it has been a very busy year since we finished rolling until we get here, and I’m just glad to be here”

“Well the public agreed that the passion in your face during that scene elevated the scene, but let’s talk about something else, who is with you tonight?”

***

Andre was about to star screaming when Barry walked in the set, he didn’t even look back at you or anyone, he only took Janice by the waist and push her to the dance floor.

There was something in his eyes that you couldn’t point out, it was definitely working, and thankfully the cameras were already recording so the way he move and every expression in his face was immortalized, there was pain, but also happiness in his eyes, and even though it was scary, you couldn’t keep your eyes away from him.

By the time he was done you had your heart pounding in your chest like a drum and about to run towards him, but then your phone rang, and you instinctively picked up…

The world went silent for a moment, there were definitely people screaming in joy around you, and the woman in the phone keep asking if you were there but your mind wasn’t, because what you have said could not be true, you let your phone fall to the ground, and your legs followed it.

But you never get to touch the floor because his arms were already firmly holding you, and those eyes that mere seconds ago were darkened by whatever the hell inspired him to act were now looking in concern for you.

“It’s okay, I got you…” he said but you were not sure because now you were screaming nonsense and he said a quiet _I’m sorry_ … or maybe you imagined it, what does he had to be sorry for?

***

“I’m his girlfriend, apparently” Y/N said with a bright smile “He is being modest, he work like hell to get that scene, he is great in it right? I still don’t know what was his secret”

Barry look at her with that sad smile that he had every time someone mentioned that day… he remembered with so much clarity walking with her out of the studio and taken her to the police station, holding her hand the rest of the day and the subsequent ones.

His husband was dead, found with an insane amount of money in his car in the middle of the desert, a week later his associate Thomas confessed about their side activities for the Chechen mob and how he viciously kill Alan for his money, and how he couldn’t live with his conscience so he put another bullet on his own brain, and a note on his desk.

He held her on the funeral when Monique showed up crying like in a soap opera, and she had to face the truth about Alan. And he let her hit him with her small fist and her broken heart when he confessed he knew about his affair but he didn’t say anything because he didn’t wanted to hurt her, and that part was true.

Six months later the final cut of the movie was done and she was no longer sad, but he still haven’t let her hand go, not even when Sally came back ready to commit.

He haven’t however make any advances on her because his husband face, surprised by his fatal shot, chase him on his sleep every night, and now they were there, one year after he died, with her walking on his arm.

“Girlfriend?” He asked perplex

“Well I figured it may be time, you know? I would never say I’m glad Alan is gone, because I do miss him everyday but the truth is that we were no longer in love at the end, and after all this months I realized the only thing holding me back from you was myself, but maybe you don’t think about me like that anymore”

“I do, I just didn’t want to be disrespectful, but if I have to be honest I think about you in every way since the first moment I saw you”

“Then what are you waiting for?” She said and this time he didn’t hesitate and kissed her, and like the sun after the winter that kiss brought him back to life, there were at least three dozen of people around but he couldn’t care less, he only care that she was finally in his arms, and maybe just maybe this time he could get it right.

#  **The end.**


End file.
